being called as a paranoid is hurt.

as individual, we called, as subjective

bila tiada sayang, kita minta pada orang lain.
bila tiada rasa cukup, kita menagih cukup daripada seseorang
adakah kita lupa rasa cukup itu datangnya dari tuhan?

adakah rasa cukup itu datangnya apabila tenangnya hati seseorang.

kadang kadang manusia tidak tahu apa yang dia mahukan.
mungkin dengan meminta sesuatu, cukup itu terus ada.
mungkin dengan menagih, cukup itu terus melengkapi.

night rant; after talked with ahda. i miss her

"takkan kita nak ulang benda yang sama", jija bunyi macam mengamuk. zedy mengangkat kening. dah bunyi pelik dah budak ni. terus dia geleng kepala. matanya masih mengalih ke post hlovate yang ada di facebook tu. dah berapa lama hlovate tak update. misterinya penulis kegemarannya menjadi inspirasi dia sekarang.

"fetish terok weh",jija geleng kepala.

"aku rasa kau dah boleh cerita kut apa sebabnya kau merepek sekarang ni.", when you believe-mariah carey dan whitney houston berbunyi.

"kau tahu kan nurfitri dah ada kat malaysia."jija memandang zedy. mengangkat kening dan...juga suaranya.

"rileks do. kau macam nak cari gaduh dengan aku." gelak sinis zedy.

tahu. nurfitri yang ada kes dekat london. kena tangkap sebab kes pedofilia. tahu sangat. dan sekarang dah ada dekat ukm. ambik phd dekat sini.

"dan banyak sangat pedophilia apologists kat twitter ni, kau tahu tak?!", jija sambung membebel. zedy masih mendengar.

"kenapa kena ada apologists? diorang taktahu ke pedofilia ni bukan kes mental saja saja. ni dah tahap melampau. dia buat crime level A kuttttttt!!",jija menerus tempelak nya.

Zedy hanya sengih. "Kau dah tengok 13 reasons why season 3?", soalan itu saja diubah melihat riak wajah jija. jija mengangkat muka memandang kosong.

"belum.",sepatah jawapannya.

"writers did something in that shows by the way. just ignore Ani.", zedy sengih. dalam rumah sewa hanya tinggal mereka berdua. yang lain mungkin pi tengok concert. hmm entahlah.

"kenapa weh?" pelik jija dengan tanda soalnya yang panjang.

"im trying to be better. but this fucking world wont let me." zedy mengungkap quotes bryce. true, writers are so harsh did this to us.

"dont try to be apologists too, zed."jija menenung tajam.

"im just asking you to watch that, seriously.", matanya terus memandang study case pasal mahatma gandhi.

"people have past jija. aku ada send study case pasal mahatma gandhi. you can take a look. might be one of your favourite spices." zedy menarik sengih.

dance with the stranger-

2330/190827

untuk hidup dengan roda bukan senang. nak hidup dengan kitaran bukan senang juga. saya masih hidup dalam ketagihan. bukan senang untuk lari. tapi ia tidak mustahil.

May Allah bless.

Melihat manusia bergelimpangan membuatkan Ina terkejut. Kawasan yang gelap, suram dan berbau. Dia hanya mampu berjalan dan berjalan. Ina memandang ke hadapan.

"Ina.....", sayup suara itu memanggil. Ina hanya mampu pandang. Seram tetapi dia pandang juga. Macam ada kuasa yang dia dapat untuk melihat ke tempat yang memanggilnya itu.

"minum air banyak banyak kalau nak jerawat kau hilang."

i walked away to save myself.

i think its important to realize that no matter how good you are to people, it wont make them good to you.

gambar represent memories. yep. tapi gambar tak semestinya represent awak punya feeling pada saya. but, this will be always representing my feelings to you.

secret

everyone has a secret. everyone has their own mistake. everyone has their own mistake that they want to cover and it calls secret.

I found this.

"I'm not the type of girl boys will fall in love with."

and that is really true.

multitasking

I'm doing multitasking right now.

why it is called as black therapy?

because it ain't white. lol

Tip of the day:

Dont ever do them like they do you.
Just disappear and do better.

Fuck you!

There is nothing wrong asking for space and time for yourself.

"stop trying so hard for people who dont care"

"One of the hardest thing you will ever have to do, my dear, is to grieve the loss of the person who still alive."

"its a beautiful feeling to understand qadr. whatever happens, happens by the decree and will of Allah and it is best for you. la tahzan."

ive massive breakout last semester. hmm tangan gatal sangat press button dekat shopee. habis semua benda skincare aku nak try walhal sebelum aku punya break out sikit sikit je. ye la sebab period je kan. but then, my face turn out jadi hitam, so i learn more about skin and skincare, reading imanabdulrahim's twitter and her blog, then listen to liah yoo and james welsh videos.

and so this year, istiqamah dan alhamdulillah my acne dah surut berlalu pergi walaupun tak totally gone but we see that improvement. but my sunspot or we call this as hyperpigmentation, yep that 'pig' totally make my ass ticklish sometimes.

dan sekarang dah masuk pukul 12 and i need to do my assignment but here i am, lagha sebentar.

the conclusion is, whatever things that we need to do, semua kena istiqamah baru nampak hasil. im proud to myself sebab boleh bertahan 1 month and half doing same thing everyday, day and night.

some flowers bloom at night when everyone is asleep.

sebab aku tengah rindu maka aku rela diri untuk merindui kembali.


sem1.
-diploma was hard.
-ingat lagi nangis sebab taknak pergi johor.
-johor is far far away from bangi, isnt it?
-rumet bihan.
-bihan is cute.
-housemate with ahda.
-two little girls is my bestfriend in that semester.
-tak berapa kenal classmate lagi so this two cuties tukang teman pergi beli makanan, main badminton, jalan jalan naik admin
-i really admit it, i miss that day.


sem2.
-salsabila 2 tingkat 4.
-masih lagi dekat tingkat atas.
-rumet with izzul.
-that time was class bonding. and i still missing that day.
-we're played together, ingat lagi main galah panjang, baling selipar dan lari lari macam nak putus nyawa


sem3.
-classmate still sama.
-rumet nadia.
-met new friends. which is abed ainun and safa
-the havoc one
-dengar mj12 dengan safa
-safa really love cerita hantu
-masak dalam bilik abed, remember eating butter chicken yang safa masakkan. it was really delicious. and she taught me the recipe
-semester is really that nice.

sem4
-classmate dah pecah since we're into different elective.
-rumet with izzul
-they do surprise birrthday for me. it was the nice one! ingat lagi, izzul ajak teman ambik barang tertinggal.
-the hardest semester
-fyp 1
-i cried because of my semester result
-it was really the hardest one because of my feelings
-friends become friend


sem5
-saya bilik sorang sorang sebab duduk luar
-the best semester.
-the calmest one.
-had amazing housemate, min and aten
-i miss min <3
-went to singapore with min (for the first time)
-min is a good cook. walaupun nasi goreng agak pedas.
-mostly my time keluar pergi mana mana dengan min.
-settle fyp2
-sebab duduk luar, dan ada kereta, so malam malam memang ajak lepak je la
-seri mutiara is nice beb!
-rumah sewa at tingkat 16
-i got nice view from my room
-malam malam keluar pergi funfair
-lepak depan rumah laki (first time buat)
-nina and farah are my teman at that time
-duduk luar serious nice!
-and i miss this feeling.


ni sebab rindu. and i wish in shah alam, ill get that feeling again.
aku rasa aku nak duduk luar sem depan.

its time for new beginnings. so much is clearing out of your life. new energy is entering. you might be experiencing a lot of mental, physical, and spiritual transformations thats unlocking new levels within yourself. be patient and prioritize self-care and self-love right now.

Burst out

im totally burst out today. on my bed. i dont know that i really need attention or i really need to be attention-seeker seek someone else attention. but this happened. i thought this, i still thinking this-whether im really that toxic so people leave me out from their life or im just that bored so they didnt like to go out with me. maybe this two? i dont really know. i read somewhere that to familiar with surrounding, you need one or two years.

am i really that bored?

am i really that toxic?